To my future husband…

Dear Future Husband,

I have a lot to say to you. I broke up with a great guy for you. Literally days before Valentine’s Day, I realized that our relationship was not going down the path I want for my life and I decided to end things with him, because I wanted to hold out for the thing that’s perfect for me (and, hopefully, for you, too). I have high expectations for you. I have high expectations for myself, too. I work harder than I’ve ever worked in my life right now, in college, just so that I (and you, and our future children, hopefully) will have everything we need, and a lot of what we want from life.

I don’t have any crazy expectations, I just have a lot of “wish list” traits for the man who will become my husband someday. I want someone who is connected to God, and helps me to grow in my relationship with Him. I want that to be a central part of each of our lives, and a central part of our life together as a couple. I want to live in Florida, and I want you to enjoy the beach and Walt Disney World with me (that’s actually huge to me). I want to spend a lot of our weekends doing the little things like walking our future dog and cooking together. I want to laugh and love every day with you. I want you to treat me better than I think I deserve. I don’t necessarily expect, or need these things, but they’d be part of the ideal relationship for me.

I want you to think I’m beautiful and sweet. I want to think the same of you. I want to cry, laugh, grow, and just live with you, as a great couple who is completely sure of their relationship. And that’s why I gave up all my previous relationships: to find the one I was completely sure of. To wait for you. I hope you appreciate that. I hope I appreciate you the way you deserve to be appreciated, too. I know I will. I hope we live together until we get old and boring. I hope we rock in our rocking chairs on the front porch every night. I hope we never stop doing little things to make each other happy. I hope we never ever take one another for granted.

Most of all, I hope God grants me the chance to find you at the right time in the right way. I know that, if it is part of His plan for me to have a husband, it will be you. I will find you, or you will find me. Everything will end up the way it is meant to. I pray every day that I will be patient in finding you, and not look too hard. If it is meant to be, it will be.

All my love,

Your future wife

Why Breakfast at Tiffany’s is Seriously Romantic

I just finished watching it {probably for about the hundredth time in my life} but it’s still one of the most romantic movies of all time. The scene where he tells her people do belong to other people while she’s in the cab, running off to the airport to fly to Brazil? Serious Hollywood magic right there. And then when she runs after him in the rain, and finds her cat, and they kiss? 

No, those aren’t tears in my eyes. Your twenty-something is a romantic, guys.

My only complaint is that the book Breakfast at Tiffany’s  
is not nearly as romantic as the film portrays. Holly is basically a call-girl, the narrator doesn’t have a name at all, and the whole point of the story is that he’s curious what happened to the girl who lived in his building YEARS LATER {point being: they don’t even end up together}. So, sorry Capote, the movie takes the edge in this one {and that never happens}.

Why Love is Confusing for Twentysomethings

In honor of Valentine’s Day yesterday, I’m going to share a little about love in my life, and my general thoughts on love as a whole.

It’s complicated. Love isn’t one of those things that you can explain with a simple dictionary definition, despite what everyone will say about their personal definition of love. I think that every person is different when it comes to love, and every individual loving relationship is different. You can love your parents, your dog, and your best friends, but it’s not going to be anything like the first time you’re “in love” with someone. The first time you fall in love, it kind of destroys you, in a weird way. At least for most people, who aren’t eternally destined to be with their first love. I know that’s how it was for me.

I would spend an hour or longer getting ready for every date, and be heartbroken if my first boyfriend didn’t text me within twenty minutes of waking up every morning. And in a lot of ways, all those things were really immature. I think a lot of people have their first serious relationship right at the age where they’re most insecure, and use their significant other as a shield from all the things they don’t like about themselves, or from all the things that they’re afraid of. Some people find a perfect, blissful place where they fit in with their boyfriend. A lot of people find a person who is just as self-absorbed and confused about life as they are, and determine that they’re better off separate.

I think that, when you’re in high school {and college, to some extent}, dating is about putting up cute pictures on Instagram on Valentine’s Day or your six-month anniversary to show everyone else in your life how happy you are. It’s about a guy posting “had a great night with my best friend in the whole world” on Facebook and a bunch of random people commenting “aww how sweet!” Because that kind of stuff feels so good when you’re seventeen and want to prove that you’re mature and adult, just like all the other people your age.

But then, around the start of college, when you break out of freedom and restrictions, you realize that dating is not any of the things you thought it was when you were in high school. Dating is sleeping over at someone’s apartment and leaving a pair of pajamas and a toothbrush at their place. It’s watching a movie you don’t like that much with your boyfriend on Friday night instead of going out to a bar with your friends and chatting with hot business majors. And, for a lot of people, especially in college, it’s just not worth it. Which is fine. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and all that. Date people who make you happy. I’m not saying you should date someone who only likes the same things as you {because boring}, but definitely don’t be with someone who won’t try any of the things that you enjoy. Close-minded people aren’t people you want around in your life, long-term.

I remember the first time I was in love really well. It was so new and amazing and, at the time, I think I would have done just about anything for the guy. He did so many things that should have been clear signals that he was not a good guy to end up with, but in high school you never see that stuff in a person {at least, I didn’t}. I spent countless hours contemplating why he pulled his hand away during a movie, or convincing myself that it was no big deal that he had let me walk back to my car alone in the dark, or telling myself I wasn’t worried about the fact that he was texting other girls even though we had been dating for a year and a half. But really, all those things mattered {and I’m NOT saying that, if your boyfriend has ever done any of these things, you should break up with him – you’re not me, and your relationship is not mine!}. Because the guy was my first love, I was always going to be hypersensitive to his moods and how they made me feel. I was always going to hate his pulling away from me, when I wanted to get closer. I was always going to feel like he wasn’t as gentlemanly as I deserved when he let me walk alone in the dark. I was always going to be jealous when he texted other chicks. After we broke up, I spent a lot of time wondering if all those things were my fault: if I was unnaturally jealous, or unnaturally concerned with how much of a gentleman a guy is, or unnaturally sensitive. Then I began wondering if he was just a complete jerk and I had been an enormous idiot not to see those things from the beginning.

But the truth is, it was not my fault, nor his. Two people may be perfectly good people separately, who simply aren’t meant to be together in a romantic relationship. We made each other into completely different people, and at our worst, I could become jealous, manipulative, and oversensitive. He could become careless, over-flirtatious, and downright mean. First loves do crazy things. But we’re both with other people now, and neither of us is bitter about the past. I’m so happy now, with another guy. We went to a movie last night, and held hands during a lot of it. Sometimes I would pull my hand away to brush hair out of my eyes or to take a sip of Coke, and he didn’t worry for a second that I no longer loved him because I took my hand away {and vice versa}. We trust each other. I don’t need constant attention and vocal confessions of his love and devotion to feel loved, because I’m more mature. I love myself. I know he does too.

You stop spending Valentine’s Day worried about what to get someone and hoping they get you something good, because you start to feel like every day of your relationship is Valentine’s Day. Your love is the present. You might get each other gifts too {because what girl doesn’t love a bouquet of roses on V-day?} but you don’t spend the month leading up to the holiday reminding him you like pink roses better than red ones. If he shows up with chocolates instead, you’re fine with it, because you get to spend your night with him, and that’s what matters most. But better yet, you get to spend every other night of the year with him, too. That’s what this holiday is about. Appreciating the person you already appreciate all the time. Reminding them that they’re super-special and that you love their company and their personality.

I hate when people say “I need {insert name here} in my life.” One of the great beauties of each person’s lifetime is getting to choose the person they want to spend their life with. You get that choice, you don’t have to be stuck with someone who makes you miserable just because you feel like you need them. I completely understand feeling like you can’t go on without your first love. Breakups are awful. Seriously. They suck so much. But you can go on with your life. You have to be sad first, and then you get to be happy. You might spend a Valentine’s Day drunkenly crying about how much you miss your ex, and how all your friends seem to be getting engaged while you’re not even dating anyone. I think most people have at least one experience like that in their lives. But by next Valentine’s Day, you could be with the person who makes you happier than anyone else ever has. And then you will realize that breaking up with that guy who made you miserable {but who you once claimed that you needed} was the best thing you ever did.

Be with someone who makes you a better person. Be with someone who makes you smile and laugh. Be with someone who makes you cry, too, because that means you care about them, too. But don’t be with someone whose absence makes you feel like you’re dying. Choose laughter and happiness over drama and fights.  Date a person who keeps you up all night with kisses and snuggles, not a person who keeps you up all night in tears, trying to decide if your relationship is worth it.

More soon.