To my future husband…

Dear Future Husband,

I have a lot to say to you. I broke up with a great guy for you. Literally days before Valentine’s Day, I realized that our relationship was not going down the path I want for my life and I decided to end things with him, because I wanted to hold out for the thing that’s perfect for me (and, hopefully, for you, too). I have high expectations for you. I have high expectations for myself, too. I work harder than I’ve ever worked in my life right now, in college, just so that I (and you, and our future children, hopefully) will have everything we need, and a lot of what we want from life.

I don’t have any crazy expectations, I just have a lot of “wish list” traits for the man who will become my husband someday. I want someone who is connected to God, and helps me to grow in my relationship with Him. I want that to be a central part of each of our lives, and a central part of our life together as a couple. I want to live in Florida, and I want you to enjoy the beach and Walt Disney World with me (that’s actually huge to me). I want to spend a lot of our weekends doing the little things like walking our future dog and cooking together. I want to laugh and love every day with you. I want you to treat me better than I think I deserve. I don’t necessarily expect, or need these things, but they’d be part of the ideal relationship for me.

I want you to think I’m beautiful and sweet. I want to think the same of you. I want to cry, laugh, grow, and just live with you, as a great couple who is completely sure of their relationship. And that’s why I gave up all my previous relationships: to find the one I was completely sure of. To wait for you. I hope you appreciate that. I hope I appreciate you the way you deserve to be appreciated, too. I know I will. I hope we live together until we get old and boring. I hope we rock in our rocking chairs on the front porch every night. I hope we never stop doing little things to make each other happy. I hope we never ever take one another for granted.

Most of all, I hope God grants me the chance to find you at the right time in the right way. I know that, if it is part of His plan for me to have a husband, it will be you. I will find you, or you will find me. Everything will end up the way it is meant to. I pray every day that I will be patient in finding you, and not look too hard. If it is meant to be, it will be.

All my love,

Your future wife

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10 Things I Wish I Had Known Before I Turned 20

There are so many things I wish I had known before I grew up. I think most things that we learn throughout our early adulthood are universal {that is to say, everyone individually must learn them}.  But I think there are some things that need to be constantly reinforced by the people around us for them to really sink in. So, without further ado, here you go: the top 10 things I wish I had known before I turned 20.

 

  1. Many girls are inherently mean and catty. Nothing you do or say is going to change that. A lot of girls, especially in high school, I think, have a problem with other girls, regardless of whether or not they’ve actually done anything to deserve unkindness.  It took me a long time to realize {and, to be honest, I’m still realizing} that girls aren’t mean because of something I did, but rather because something is wrong with them. Maybe they’re jealous, or maybe they’re just confused about their lives. Either way, it doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it makes life so much easier when you let go of anger that other people feel towards you.
  2. Boys are boys. You deserve a man. You can’t change a person you’re dating, and I think we’re taught as young women today to chase after the boys who seem to need a strong female influence to make them “right” or “whole.” But come on—do you really need another person who needs you to do stuff for them? These are your formative years, and you don’t need some dude leaning on you to take care of him and make him whole.  Boys can’t help bugging you to let them copy your homework or asking to borrow a few bucks to pay for their movie tickets. And guess what the scariest part is?  Some guys never get much more mature than they are in high school {I’m looking at you, ex-boyfriend}.  But a lot grow up fast when they get to college, and become more interesting, kinder, and much better boyfriend material.  If I wish I’d had one piece of advice in my younger years, it would be: don’t bother dating anyone seriously in high school. Go out with a few guys just to experience dating and not be unprepared for a relationship someday, but focus on your friends. You don’t even know who you are yet.
  3. The mean girls really are just jealous. One of the hardest parts of my post-high school experiences with the people I had gone to high school with happened a couple years after I graduated. An ex-boyfriend texted to ask if a horrible rumor he had heard about me was true {it wasn’t}.  I told him that, but underneath my calm words, I was pissed. Who would say something like that? He wouldn’t tell me who said it {asshole}, but he did imply that it was one of the girls in high school we had always joked about for being jealous of me. I was nothing to be jealous of in high school. I was head-over-heels for a guy who treated me like crap, completely unaware of the fact that I deserved more. I was okay-looking, but going through the many awkward parts of growing up.  So I couldn’t understand why someone would envy me, especially not enough to make up some cruel lie about me.  But then I realized, people probably didn’t see all the hard parts of my life {because I choose not to display that on Facebook and Twitter, duh}, and maybe they thought my life was better than it really felt to me. To those “haters” I say: thanks for making me realize that I’m someone wonderful and special enough to make others jealous. But making up rumors {especially two years post-high school} is pathetic, and you need a life, come on.
  4. The first time you love someone will change your life, but might not last, and that’s okay. Your first love is going to feel big and earth-shattering. It’s probably going to change the way you look at every other man you ever date.  But it probably isn’t going to make you happy for the rest of your life, because you’re in such a formative, transitional period of your life.  You’re going to grow up and start to become interested in lots of other things, and people often grow apart as they get older. Maybe if you don’t start dating until you’re finishing up high school you’ve sort of figured out who you are {if you’re lucky—I still had a lot of growing up to do}. But if you start dating a person at fourteen or fifteen, you probably still have a lot of growing up and changing to do. Somehow, friendships withstand our personal changes better than relationships usually do.
  5. There are far better things ahead than any you leave behind. I wouldn’t say I had a particularly terrible high school experience, but I also can’t imagine wanting to go back to any of my reunions. Our generation doesn’t need that stuff: we see everyone on Facebook and we know what their college boyfriend looks like.  I don’t need to fly across the country to see them in ten years, because I honestly just don’t care that much. My college friends became my family to me. They saw me at my worst, and they loved me anyway. I met someone who made me forget all the losers I dated before him.  I fell in love like I was fifteen again, only this time, the guy treated me like a princess, and I didn’t want to break up.  If someone would have told me what was lying ahead for me when I was feeling my worst in high school, barely able to force myself to go to school because of the catty drama or the jerk I was dating, I would have felt so much better. But part of the beauty of life is the sheer mystery of what lies ahead, so just trust me when I say, there is always something better than whatever’s going on right now waiting for you, you just have to keep going and get to it.
  6. You won’t stay friends with everyone, and that’s a good thing. High school graduation is a great time to drop all the toxic friendships and relationships you’ve entered into.  Give yourself space for new friends. The person you are when you’re entering college is a lot more like the person you’re going to be for the rest of your life {although I assure you there will still be a lot of growth ahead for you}. You’re supposed to ditch the friends who talk behind your back. You’re supposed to let go of all the people who make you unhappy. You get to replace them with people who make you laugh and take you out for ice cream when you’ve had the worst day.
  7. Roommates are not the devil, and having one is not as difficult as everyone would have you believe. Some of my favorite friendships have been with roommates.  They are different than other relationships in some ways, but especially once you aren’t sharing a bedroom anymore {so basically any year after freshman year} having a roommate or two is really fun. They live with you, so you can ask them to hang out anytime, and if they’re people you’re genuinely friends with, you can ask them to watch a movie or go do something if you get lonely.  They’re just comforting to have around, and mine always provided entertainment and good conversation.  My college experience was unique because I had a serious relationship. My roommate also had a serious boyfriend, and our two boyfriends were roommates, so we spent a lot of time together, both at our place and at his. It honestly made us closer, and we’re still best friends.  She helped me get through all the tough parts of college, because she knew both me and my boyfriend so well.  And I was able to do the same for her.  Our third roommate hung out with us just as much, but got to bring along random guys. We both lived vicariously through her wild dating stories. I can’t imagine having any other two roommates, honestly.
  8. There will come a time when you have money troubles and you will have to ask your parents for help. I know, I know, nobody wants to ask their parents for money. For me, it was so stressful having to ask my dad for a check to help me eat and pay for my textbooks that I would practically make myself sick for it. But the more I talked to my friends, the more I realized that everyone had been through a similar time, and their parents had helped them as best they could. College is a transition period, you’re not financially independent, but you’re not living under your parents’ roof anymore, either {which means they aren’t paying your way}.  I recommend getting a part-time job. It’s not too hard juggling a job with school {I’m expected to do it in grad school}, and it makes a huge difference in being able to do fun things like go out to dinner or splurge on a dress for a fraternity formal or function. 
  9. You will make mistakes and regret them the next day, and later they will be the best stories you have from your youth. No real description needed here. Go places, meet people, have fun, and only regret things for a short amount of time before moving on and letting go.
  10. Never give up. There are going to be times {for the rest of our lives} where things feel difficult. There is probably never going to be a day from now until I die where I don’t feel a moment of fear or hesitation, or at least frustration with something I have to do.  That is called life.  Don’t give up, though, because there’s so much amazingness to experience if you’re willing to hang on, push through, and find it.  You can do it, and having a strong, supporting group of friends/family helps so much. 

 

“Celebrate we will, ‘cause life is short but sweet for certain”

Why Finding the One is So Important

I built love up in my mind to be this insanely beautiful thing that nothing in the real world could ever live up to. I think real love is accepting another person, just as they are, with all their flaws, with the zit that randomly popped up on their face, even though they ate the last piece of pizza, even when they’re doing something that’s annoying. It’s the kind of thing that makes you feel warm and happy inside, even when it’s cold and rainy. It’s the kind of feeling that brings a smile to your face at the end of a long day. You get to go home to someone who just makes you happy. Someone who you love.

It isn’t going to mean that you get a present every day. It isn’t going to mean that you get to complain about your day endlessly and never listen to any of their boring stories, or complaints about their job. It definitely isn’t going to mean completely smooth sailing. Real love means some fighting. It means telling someone that you want to spend next Christmas with your family, not theirs, and hoping they’ll compromise with you.

But when you find someone who you love, it’s all going to fall into place. The world is going to seem a little less scary. You’re going to have someone to text when something funny happens, and you’re going to be able to trust that the person you love is going to put up with all the quirks that exist in you. I think the most loveable people in this world are perhaps the quirkiest. I know I myself possess a good number of goofy traits, and I think anyone who didn’t love me would find them odd. But my family taught me to embrace my imperfections, and so when I met new guys I forced myself not to conform to being the girlfriend that they wanted, and instead decided to be myself. It’s important. It’s important to be loved for you, and not be loved for who someone wants you to be. It’s important to always stay true to yourself. There will always be another person out there for you if the one you’re with isn’t making you happy.

I think the fear of being alone and not meeting someone else is one of the primary reasons people stay in unhappy relationships. I know every time I’ve hesitated to break up with someone who made me unhappy it was primarily because the person I was with was okay, and being in a mediocre relationship had to be better than being all alone and having no one to share my time with. Sometimes, especially when you’re in your twenties, it seems like everybody you know is paired up, and you don’t want to be the only single one. How much does it suck getting asked to go to an event with a bunch of couples and trying to find a date? No one wants to be a third wheel.  But I think it’s time we face our fears and accept that being alone is much happier than being part of an unhappy or only moderately happy couple. 

Being alone means taking a book to the coffee shop instead of your boyfriend. It means reading or people-watching when you’re out in the world. It means watching your favorite show or movie on Netflix tonight instead of trying to find one that you both like (which, in an unhappy relationship, is usually a difficult task).  It means traveling to the places you want to see, instead of traveling to the places they want. It means spending holidays with your family  completely, instead of splitting the special times with their family, then running off to have the rest of the day with yours.

I’m someone who’s happy with my relationship, and I can still say all this stuff. I’ve been there. I’ve been in that place for a long, long time, and I was so scared to be alone that I didn’t escape from my own cage until I had already been in the single mindset for a long time. In the end, I missed out on some really great opportunities that I could have had as a single girl, that being in a long-term relationship took away from me.  I could have gone out with my friends on nights I instead spent fighting with my ex-boyfriend. I could have spent more time with my family. I could have simply spent the time on myself. I think spending time on yourself is one of the most commonly neglected but most important things a person needs to do.  I believe that spending time just doing things that make you happy are what makes the world bright. This life doesn’t go on forever. And in the end, you’ll remember the things you did that made you really happy over the things that were mundane.

There’s certainly no reason to be with someone who is “average.” Find the one who’s amazing. Don’t stop searching until you’ve met them. It’s hard to find them when you’re in your twenties. Like…really, really difficult. Everyone you know is either in a relationship or completely committed to the single life. The good guys are taken or boring. The hot guys aren’t nice, and the ones who are nice are definitely already taken. But keep looking. You’ll find them when you’re least expecting it.

Now, go!

Why Twenty-Somethings Don’t Actually Know What Love Means

Love is maybe one of the most complicated things we deal with in this world.  There’s no perfect definition, there’s no set of universal rules that governs how to love someone, and how to be loved by someone else. There’s no way to know when it’s real. There’s no code to tell you when someone is being honest with you.

I guess that’s what makes love love in the first place. If you love someone truly, without any reservations on your part or theirs, you will trust them just because you do. There will be little or no explanation for a lot of the things you feel for the person. There will be hardly any logic to your decisions. You won’t be able to stop yourself from doing all the things you want to do to get close to them. Nobody who isn’t in love with someone will be able to understand the things you’re feeling. 

I think our culture for a long time has been fascinated by a sense of falling in love at a young age, and leaving love there. The next love story is about the next generation, and by the time the original kids who fell in love are married and middle-aged, we’ve forgotten all about the magnificent romance they shared when they were just teenagers, or young adults.

Maybe that’s what’s wrong with so many relationships nowadays. We can see ourselves happy with the person we’re with in six months, a year even, but when it comes to the long-term, everyone avoids the whole idea of staying as in love as they are when they meet. I understand that no love story is going to stay as intense or enormous as it is when the parties involved are just beginning to fall for one another. But a love should not be allowed to dwindle into small flames that only occasionally flare into a fire.  A love that is meant to last must be nourished.

If I were planning my long-term relationship, I would want only a few things from my partner. I would want honesty and fidelity (because I’m a human being, duh).  I would want the occasional surprise. It wouldn’t have to be an expensive necklace or a pair of tickets to Hawaii. I would want a note or a letter from the guy reminding me of the reasons he fell in love with me. Or maybe a flower, or my favorite candy, when he knows I’ve had a rough day. I would want to go to Disney World on a regular basis, because it’s absolutely one of my favorite places in the world, and I would need that in my life.  I would want to set aside an hour or 30 minutes every day just to decompress together. We could cook dinner together, watch an episode of a TV show, or just talk about our days. I would want my husband to keep me informed about his life. I would want to know all the stupid little details, from where he went to lunch to what boring things he did at work today. 

That’s how it’s supposed to be. You’re supposed to want to know those tiny details about another person when you’re in love. You’re supposed to be the person they want to tell those things to, because you’re the love of their life. You’re the one.

Don’t settle for something that doesn’t make you happy.

Why You Need to Take a Hard Look at Your Love Life

I could tell you a lot about my ex-boyfriend. I could tell you about how we met, why we broke it off, and what kind of people we both were. But all those things would not capture the very essence of my feelings towards our long, tumultuous relationship.

It was, undoubtedly, a tumultuous relationship. And what I’ve learned, more than anything else, when it comes to love, is that good relationships (healthy ones) shouldn’t be tumultuous. They shouldn’t be perfect, with no occasional bumps in the road. No, that kind of love is a love between two people who are so infatuated with one another that they’re terrified of making a misstep and upsetting the other person. A perfect, romantic love between two people involves joy, tolerance, communication, and compatibility between your personalities (I think).

Perhaps he and I were compatible, for a brief amount of time.

After we broke up, he sort of stalked me. He would call, text, show up, etc., crying over how sorry he was and telling me how terribly he felt for letting me go. And when that happened, I inevitably questioned whether I had made the right decision in breaking up with him.

But there were a million reasons I left him. I think the most important reason was that he made me miserable. He made me cry on a daily basis. He made me question his faithfulness by flirting with other women right in front of me, and texting other girls. He once kissed another girl while I was out of town. He was unkind to me, and would say mean things about me to his friends, which would usually come back to me, because his friends liked me.

And I know you’re probably questioning why I would waste my time on someone if all this was happening.  In all honesty, it’s because I didn’t see it then. It’s because I couldn’t see all the horrible things about him when I was with him. Even when he did terrible things, I believed that I was going to change him, and make him better, and that our relationship was going to be perfect as soon as he was just a little bit nicer.

But he was never going to be nicer. He was who he was, and no amount of time, energy, and commitment on my part was going to change that.  When we broke up, I was heartbroken. I had left him, but I still spent days, weeks, months crying over him and questioning my choice. What if, now that I had let him go from my life, he had magically transformed because he saw what life was without me? That kind of stuff happens in movies all the time.  The couple gets back together because whoever was the problem has completely transformed, and their relationship is ideal from then on out. I was repeatedly tempted to give him another chance.

Thank God I didn’t.

He will never be worthy of my time. He is still pulling the same bullshit on his current girlfriend that he pulled on me for three years, and I regret that it took me three years to see how bad of a person he was, but when we met I was very young, and completely inexperienced with men and with love.

The other woman that he kissed when he and I were together was an old acquaintance of mine. I wouldn’t call her a friend (because the only way I can describe our relationship was that she was always very unkind to me, and I just tried to ignore her), but it still broke my heart that he would cheat on me with someone that I knew. When I found out about his infidelity, it was because she wrote me a letter and gave it to me, apologizing. He didn’t even have the balls to own up to it, and when I confronted him about it immediately afterwards, he admitted that it had happened and shrugged it off as though it had been no big deal. He was a horrible person. He is a horrible person.

Anyhow, because I knew this other girl, we’re Facebook friends. The other day, she changed her profile picture and it came up on my news feed.  Right underneath it, it shows who has liked the photo, and the first person it listed was my ex-boyfriend. So then, two years after our relationship ended, and about five years since he and I had our first argument about whether he had feelings for her, he is still liking her photos on Facebook while seeing another woman.

I should have known when, immediately after breaking up with him, he went home and talked to her about how “sad” he was about losing me. She was the one who told me that also. I yelled and yelled and yelled, when I should have just accepted that he was a pain in my ass who wasn’t worth my time.

Every fight we had and every time we would break up, my heart would feel broken, unmendable, absolutely torn in half. And now, in all honesty, I am so so so so so so grateful for that pain. That pain was all that came of our relationship. There was no marriage, no children, no horrible proposal that forced me to pair up with this loser for the rest of my life. The heartbreak was a blessing. The heartbreak forced me to get the hell out. If he had not shown his true character to me then, I might still be with him now.

Instead, I get to be with someone who is kind. When he and I first met, I was still dating the jackass. He did not ever flirt with me. He did not ask me to break up with my boyfriend. He and I had probably spoken only one or two times when I dumped the loser. And when he and I broke up, I was devastated. I would lay in bed and cry and not be able to move for hours. He would sit with me, tell me everything was going to be okay, and just listen to me when I talked. He never tried to kiss me, or get too close. He just let me decide what I wanted to do, and I am eternally grateful to him for that.

People were surprised when my ex and I split, because they thought (honestly) that he and I always seemed super happy and perfect together. That is just a tribute to the fact that nothing is ever as it appears. Nothing is perfect. No guy is going to “fix” you. You have to love yourself. You have to love yourself enough to get out if a guy isn’t making you happy. You have to love yourself enough to decide to wait until you’re ready to do what guys will want you to do. You have to make your own choices about things because you just don’t know how long whatever guy you’re seeing will be in your life, and you owe it to yourself to do things your way while you’re young and still have the opportunity to ditch guys who suck, to date guys who may not be the one, and to go single when you feel like taking some time for yourself.

I wouldn’t trade my boyfriend now for anything. It almost broke me to find him, but here I am. He isn’t perfect. I am not perfect. Together, we are probably not even perfect. There might be someone out there who, if we took a compatibility test, would score higher than my boyfriend. That’s fine. I’m not looking for him. I hope he finds a nice girl. But calculations and numbers and tests cannot compare to that indescribable chemistry between two people who just love one another, who cherish each other’s company, and each other’s imperfections. I cannot ask for more from a man than what I have (except that I wish he wanted to go to Disney World as often as I do—only ten times a year, okay?). But I believe we can work through the arguments and disagreements to have our happily ever after.

He treats me nice. He rubs my shoulders and plays with my hair. He does not toy with other women with the sole purpose being to make me jealous. He laughs at my lame jokes. We say the same things at the same time on a daily basis. He makes Frozen references with me, because he knows that my obsession with Disney isn’t going anywhere soon. I tolerate his shows, because I love him, and I want to get to know as much as I can about him. That’s how it’s supposed to be. Don’t settle for something that doesn’t make you happy. It can be different than my happiness. But you know what it is, and I’m challenging you to go out there and grab it.

Why Hawaii is Better than Reality

What’s your fantasy escape from the real world? On a rough day, where does your mind drift away to, just to forget the stupid stuff going on?

My personal favorite escape, at least lately, is Hawaii. I fantasize about going away to the tropical islands, drowning in hibiscus flowers and the romance of wearing a lei and sitting out on the beach, tanning with a good magazine. I put on some Jack Johnson music {personal favorites on a particularly difficult day include Constellations, You and Your Heart, Breakdown, Banana Pancakes, and Better Together}. Everyone has somewhere they can go in their head and be miles away from wherever they are in real life. Sometimes, when Hawaii doesn’t sound so great, I go to Disney World. That’s when I’m in drowning in adult responsibilities and just want to feel like a kid again, because Disney takes me away from all that.

But Hawaii is where I go when I just feel overwhelmed by life in general, and don’t mind being an adult, but just want to escape work/school/life for a few days/weeks/millennia.  I love my life, in general. I have a great family, a sweet boyfriend, and I’m a college student {many people claim these are the best years of your life}. But even with all that, there are days that get hard. I spend too much time worrying about money. How will I get through the rest of school without accumulating a nice chunk of federal loans? And will I make it through my hardest classes without failing and having to retake them, thus setting me off track for the whole rest of my life?  Will I make it once I get out of school? Will I be able to find a job? I gained a few pounds this semester—am I getting fat?

Hawaii me doesn’t worry about any of these things. She’s only concerned with reapplying sunscreen every two hours, staying hydrated out on the beach, and keeping a refreshing drink in her hand. She worries more about what to do for dinner tonight than anything else. She meets friendly local Hawaiians and stays in a luxurious hotel. Sometimes she goes to the spa, just because laying on the beach every day gets old. Money is no object. Hawaii me can read books, play on her phone, whatever. She’s thin and looks great in her bikini without trying. Every guy wants to date Hawaii me. And all she wants to do is listen to her iPod and relax.

Someday I want to go to Hawaii. I want to spend a week there doing absolutely nothing and enjoying every moment of it. Until then, it’s back to hitting the books, and hoping that I make it through another day.

More soon.

Why Being a Romantic is Hard On the Heart

Life is complicated and messy. There will be conflicts and confusing moments. I feel like real life is filled with people like myself and people like my boyfriend. I’m on one end of the spectrum. I try to make something out of everything. I look for signs. I pretend I’m starring in my own movie. I romanticize the little stuff. And he doesn’t. I think he believes in a much more functional type of love. Not the big romance and the movie moments, but the simple facts that a long-term relationship implies. Brushing your teeth because you had onions on your burger at dinner and you don’t wanna kiss until you feel confident about your breath.  Meeting in the library to study together, instead of jetting off to a bed and breakfast for the weekend. I don’t know. I think I have this unrealistic view of love that books and movies gave me growing up. I won’t apologize for it, because I love the way my mind looks at love. But sometimes I worry that I’m always going to be desiring more and more from a guy, and I know that that isn’t fair to him.

The older I get, the more I think lots of girls {at least, the dreamers like myself} have this same problem. We want the first kiss to be under fireworks after the perfect date, not a drunken kiss in a bar after six mixed drinks and seeing your ex-boyfriend out with another girl. But that’s real life. Real life is meeting a guy on Tinder, fighting over who has to do the laundry this time, complaining to your friends about how annoying your boyfriend’s mom is when he tells you his parents are coming to visit for the weekend. Real life is hearing the guy you’re dating say goodnight before you go to sleep, instead of having a beautifully-scripted paragraph ready to go to send you off to bed each night. And it can be really hard to revise your expectations. Especially if you’re like me, and you spend too much time listening to Matt Nathanson, Jack Johnson, and John Mayer. Songs will lead you to believe every guy is thinking these amazing things about you. That love is going to be bigger and grander than anything you could ever imagine. And maybe there are some guys out there like that {hit me up}, but I don’t think too many people are like that. I think we’re all too shy and nervous and vulnerable to be like that in a relationship. Because we look at relationships as being a contest. The person who cares more about the other person instantaneously loses by default. So we play the I-care-less-than-you game. I refuse to play. I’ve always been of the belief that competition kills a relationship. Mini-golf and bowling scores don’t count, of course. But comparing how many girls he’s kissed to how many guys you have isn’t healthy. It doesn’t matter. You both have a past. But you’re together now. And it can’t be a contest if you ever want it to work out.

Romantics everywhere, I know it’s hard to give up this preconceived notion of love and romance. It’s hard to let go of that and realize that real life isn’t the same as our fantasies. It’s hard because, in theory, the real thing isn’t nearly as exciting or enchanting as what we’ve created in our heads. But when you find someone who makes you truly happy, you’ll forget the fantasies you’ve built up for years and realize that the real, tangible thing you have with another person is a thousand times better than you ever could have imagined.