10 Things I Wish I Had Known Before I Turned 20

There are so many things I wish I had known before I grew up. I think most things that we learn throughout our early adulthood are universal {that is to say, everyone individually must learn them}.  But I think there are some things that need to be constantly reinforced by the people around us for them to really sink in. So, without further ado, here you go: the top 10 things I wish I had known before I turned 20.

 

  1. Many girls are inherently mean and catty. Nothing you do or say is going to change that. A lot of girls, especially in high school, I think, have a problem with other girls, regardless of whether or not they’ve actually done anything to deserve unkindness.  It took me a long time to realize {and, to be honest, I’m still realizing} that girls aren’t mean because of something I did, but rather because something is wrong with them. Maybe they’re jealous, or maybe they’re just confused about their lives. Either way, it doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it makes life so much easier when you let go of anger that other people feel towards you.
  2. Boys are boys. You deserve a man. You can’t change a person you’re dating, and I think we’re taught as young women today to chase after the boys who seem to need a strong female influence to make them “right” or “whole.” But come on—do you really need another person who needs you to do stuff for them? These are your formative years, and you don’t need some dude leaning on you to take care of him and make him whole.  Boys can’t help bugging you to let them copy your homework or asking to borrow a few bucks to pay for their movie tickets. And guess what the scariest part is?  Some guys never get much more mature than they are in high school {I’m looking at you, ex-boyfriend}.  But a lot grow up fast when they get to college, and become more interesting, kinder, and much better boyfriend material.  If I wish I’d had one piece of advice in my younger years, it would be: don’t bother dating anyone seriously in high school. Go out with a few guys just to experience dating and not be unprepared for a relationship someday, but focus on your friends. You don’t even know who you are yet.
  3. The mean girls really are just jealous. One of the hardest parts of my post-high school experiences with the people I had gone to high school with happened a couple years after I graduated. An ex-boyfriend texted to ask if a horrible rumor he had heard about me was true {it wasn’t}.  I told him that, but underneath my calm words, I was pissed. Who would say something like that? He wouldn’t tell me who said it {asshole}, but he did imply that it was one of the girls in high school we had always joked about for being jealous of me. I was nothing to be jealous of in high school. I was head-over-heels for a guy who treated me like crap, completely unaware of the fact that I deserved more. I was okay-looking, but going through the many awkward parts of growing up.  So I couldn’t understand why someone would envy me, especially not enough to make up some cruel lie about me.  But then I realized, people probably didn’t see all the hard parts of my life {because I choose not to display that on Facebook and Twitter, duh}, and maybe they thought my life was better than it really felt to me. To those “haters” I say: thanks for making me realize that I’m someone wonderful and special enough to make others jealous. But making up rumors {especially two years post-high school} is pathetic, and you need a life, come on.
  4. The first time you love someone will change your life, but might not last, and that’s okay. Your first love is going to feel big and earth-shattering. It’s probably going to change the way you look at every other man you ever date.  But it probably isn’t going to make you happy for the rest of your life, because you’re in such a formative, transitional period of your life.  You’re going to grow up and start to become interested in lots of other things, and people often grow apart as they get older. Maybe if you don’t start dating until you’re finishing up high school you’ve sort of figured out who you are {if you’re lucky—I still had a lot of growing up to do}. But if you start dating a person at fourteen or fifteen, you probably still have a lot of growing up and changing to do. Somehow, friendships withstand our personal changes better than relationships usually do.
  5. There are far better things ahead than any you leave behind. I wouldn’t say I had a particularly terrible high school experience, but I also can’t imagine wanting to go back to any of my reunions. Our generation doesn’t need that stuff: we see everyone on Facebook and we know what their college boyfriend looks like.  I don’t need to fly across the country to see them in ten years, because I honestly just don’t care that much. My college friends became my family to me. They saw me at my worst, and they loved me anyway. I met someone who made me forget all the losers I dated before him.  I fell in love like I was fifteen again, only this time, the guy treated me like a princess, and I didn’t want to break up.  If someone would have told me what was lying ahead for me when I was feeling my worst in high school, barely able to force myself to go to school because of the catty drama or the jerk I was dating, I would have felt so much better. But part of the beauty of life is the sheer mystery of what lies ahead, so just trust me when I say, there is always something better than whatever’s going on right now waiting for you, you just have to keep going and get to it.
  6. You won’t stay friends with everyone, and that’s a good thing. High school graduation is a great time to drop all the toxic friendships and relationships you’ve entered into.  Give yourself space for new friends. The person you are when you’re entering college is a lot more like the person you’re going to be for the rest of your life {although I assure you there will still be a lot of growth ahead for you}. You’re supposed to ditch the friends who talk behind your back. You’re supposed to let go of all the people who make you unhappy. You get to replace them with people who make you laugh and take you out for ice cream when you’ve had the worst day.
  7. Roommates are not the devil, and having one is not as difficult as everyone would have you believe. Some of my favorite friendships have been with roommates.  They are different than other relationships in some ways, but especially once you aren’t sharing a bedroom anymore {so basically any year after freshman year} having a roommate or two is really fun. They live with you, so you can ask them to hang out anytime, and if they’re people you’re genuinely friends with, you can ask them to watch a movie or go do something if you get lonely.  They’re just comforting to have around, and mine always provided entertainment and good conversation.  My college experience was unique because I had a serious relationship. My roommate also had a serious boyfriend, and our two boyfriends were roommates, so we spent a lot of time together, both at our place and at his. It honestly made us closer, and we’re still best friends.  She helped me get through all the tough parts of college, because she knew both me and my boyfriend so well.  And I was able to do the same for her.  Our third roommate hung out with us just as much, but got to bring along random guys. We both lived vicariously through her wild dating stories. I can’t imagine having any other two roommates, honestly.
  8. There will come a time when you have money troubles and you will have to ask your parents for help. I know, I know, nobody wants to ask their parents for money. For me, it was so stressful having to ask my dad for a check to help me eat and pay for my textbooks that I would practically make myself sick for it. But the more I talked to my friends, the more I realized that everyone had been through a similar time, and their parents had helped them as best they could. College is a transition period, you’re not financially independent, but you’re not living under your parents’ roof anymore, either {which means they aren’t paying your way}.  I recommend getting a part-time job. It’s not too hard juggling a job with school {I’m expected to do it in grad school}, and it makes a huge difference in being able to do fun things like go out to dinner or splurge on a dress for a fraternity formal or function. 
  9. You will make mistakes and regret them the next day, and later they will be the best stories you have from your youth. No real description needed here. Go places, meet people, have fun, and only regret things for a short amount of time before moving on and letting go.
  10. Never give up. There are going to be times {for the rest of our lives} where things feel difficult. There is probably never going to be a day from now until I die where I don’t feel a moment of fear or hesitation, or at least frustration with something I have to do.  That is called life.  Don’t give up, though, because there’s so much amazingness to experience if you’re willing to hang on, push through, and find it.  You can do it, and having a strong, supporting group of friends/family helps so much. 

 

“Celebrate we will, ‘cause life is short but sweet for certain”

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Life So Far

This is a new blog. I don’t know you, I don’t know who will end up reading this, or what this will end up being about. But I want to share it with you. I want to document the whole experience, good and bad, whatever comes my way.

I grew up an only child. I’m obsessed with all things Disney, especially Little Mermaid. I love music. All music – classical, pop, rock, country, rap, whatever. And even if I don’t like it, I’ll at least give it a shot.

I’m in college. My life is insane. I’m starting pharmacy school (if I can pass my effing classes) in the fall and I feel like my childhood is behind me. And it sucks. Hold onto your childhood for as long as possible, because growing up kinda sucks. Example: I wanted to get a puppy. There’s an animal shelter near me where someone dropped off a black lab puppy who needs a surgery to fix him after being abused, and they’re looking for a home for the sweet baby. And I’m an adult with my own apartment and all that, and I’m still not allowed to get a puppy because of the responsibility I already have with classes and clubs and everything. It’s like being asked to accept adult life, but then being told you’re not actually mature enough to handle complete adulthood.

I have really wonderful friends. And a sweet boyfriend, too. I like to think I have a great sense of adventure, and I enjoy nearly every experience. I love the beach, the mountains, the city, and the whole world around me. I try hard to find the positive in everything, but I have to admit that sometimes I get myself down about the way my day is going or how I’m feeling. But as I get older, I’m starting to realize that life isn’t going to get better just because you tell it to. You have to change your viewpoint, or you’ll just be unhappy.

My advice for you is this: Do something crazy. Try something new, just because. Don’t give up on something you’ve failed at, after just trying it once. Certainly don’t let anyone else tell you what you are or are not capable of. Trust yourself. Usually your gut-instinct is right.

Above all else, find love in your life. Find it everywhere: your friends, your family, your dog, your city, your school, whatever. Just find it. Have a passion, and follow it. Let go of the stuff that’s bringing you down, and find yourself in a world of happiness. Misobey. Sometimes. Within reason.

Trust me, this blog wouldn’t be called “misadventures” of a twentysomething if I’d never made any mistakes in my life before. I’ve failed a test, I’ve lied to my mom and gotten caught, I’ve skipped a class for a guy, I’ve fallen in love with someone who didn’t love me at all. And I’ve learned from every single one of those things. I’d probably do some of them again, too, if I were put back in the same place in time. Nobody’s perfect. The faster you learn this, the faster you protect yourself from all the disappointments that are possible out there. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t wonderful people out there. Go out there and find one.  Or better yet, go out there and be one.

All that being said, here’s a daily post:

Today I got up around 9:30. My boyfriend and I had slept at my place (we lived in the same dorm last year and met recently after my breakup with another guy, and started dating after being friends for a long time, but have now been dating over a year). I got up and made myself breakfast before having class at 11:40. After class I had lunch, but I had to scarf down my food because I had a test at 2:50 and I had to cram for it in the library for the last couple hours before taking it. It was AWFUL! I can’t even express to you how awful my physics test went. Everyone in my whole class was freaking out afterwards because nobody knew how to do any of the question (because our teacher sucks and did not prepare us for the test at all). So, that was an awful part of my day but oh well. Then I had organic chemistry. Before I came to college, everyone said that this would be the most awful, difficult, terrifying class that I would ever take. They convinced me that I could not pass. Well, I’m now in my second semester of it, and I made an A with the first semester and am convinced that I will do so again! It is sooo much easier than physics is with my professor.

Then, at 6, I had an anatomy exam. This test was much easier. The test actually reflected what was taught in class. I love anatomy. It can be hard, but it’s a memorization-based class, and I can grasp what’s going on. So after finishing that test, I was starving and exhausted from two exams in one day. I headed home. My boyfriend came over in a button-down and a tie after telling me he was taking me out to dinner. Our dinners are usually casual meals in a burger place, so I was only wearing jeans! I had to change into a dress to match up to his level of dressiness. After dressing, he drove us to a local restaurant where we split an appetizer and each got a pasta.

It was delicious! Then we went to Target, and I picked up the Bruno Mars CD. We’re going to his concert this summer, and I figured that was reason enough to buy his CD. I can’t wait to go to his concert. I absolutely love going to concerts. We’re going to Darius Rucker (Hootie and the Blowfish) in two weeks and I’m already pumped. Love Hootie. I live in South Carolina, so what do you expect?

After Target, we headed back to my boyfriend’s apartment for some homework. After a quick game of pong at the perpetually-set-up-beer-pong table in his apartment with his roommates. My boyfriend’s roommates also lived in our dorm last year, so we’re all really good friends. And one of his roommates dates my roommate, so we double date and stuff sometimes.

As you can see, not the most exciting life in the world. But I still wanna share. And just talk. Sometimes I ramble, and I like just spewing out my ideas a lot. I hope you’ll enjoy reading!

More soon!