Why Twenty-Somethings Don’t Actually Know What Love Means

Love is maybe one of the most complicated things we deal with in this world.  There’s no perfect definition, there’s no set of universal rules that governs how to love someone, and how to be loved by someone else. There’s no way to know when it’s real. There’s no code to tell you when someone is being honest with you.

I guess that’s what makes love love in the first place. If you love someone truly, without any reservations on your part or theirs, you will trust them just because you do. There will be little or no explanation for a lot of the things you feel for the person. There will be hardly any logic to your decisions. You won’t be able to stop yourself from doing all the things you want to do to get close to them. Nobody who isn’t in love with someone will be able to understand the things you’re feeling. 

I think our culture for a long time has been fascinated by a sense of falling in love at a young age, and leaving love there. The next love story is about the next generation, and by the time the original kids who fell in love are married and middle-aged, we’ve forgotten all about the magnificent romance they shared when they were just teenagers, or young adults.

Maybe that’s what’s wrong with so many relationships nowadays. We can see ourselves happy with the person we’re with in six months, a year even, but when it comes to the long-term, everyone avoids the whole idea of staying as in love as they are when they meet. I understand that no love story is going to stay as intense or enormous as it is when the parties involved are just beginning to fall for one another. But a love should not be allowed to dwindle into small flames that only occasionally flare into a fire.  A love that is meant to last must be nourished.

If I were planning my long-term relationship, I would want only a few things from my partner. I would want honesty and fidelity (because I’m a human being, duh).  I would want the occasional surprise. It wouldn’t have to be an expensive necklace or a pair of tickets to Hawaii. I would want a note or a letter from the guy reminding me of the reasons he fell in love with me. Or maybe a flower, or my favorite candy, when he knows I’ve had a rough day. I would want to go to Disney World on a regular basis, because it’s absolutely one of my favorite places in the world, and I would need that in my life.  I would want to set aside an hour or 30 minutes every day just to decompress together. We could cook dinner together, watch an episode of a TV show, or just talk about our days. I would want my husband to keep me informed about his life. I would want to know all the stupid little details, from where he went to lunch to what boring things he did at work today. 

That’s how it’s supposed to be. You’re supposed to want to know those tiny details about another person when you’re in love. You’re supposed to be the person they want to tell those things to, because you’re the love of their life. You’re the one.

Don’t settle for something that doesn’t make you happy.

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