I built love up in my mind to be this insanely beautiful thing that nothing in the real world could ever live up to. I think real love is accepting another person, just as they are, with all their flaws, with the zit that randomly popped up on their face, even though they ate the last piece of pizza, even when they’re doing something that’s annoying. It’s the kind of thing that makes you feel warm and happy inside, even when it’s cold and rainy. It’s the kind of feeling that brings a smile to your face at the end of a long day. You get to go home to someone who just makes you happy. Someone who you love.
It isn’t going to mean that you get a present every day. It isn’t going to mean that you get to complain about your day endlessly and never listen to any of their boring stories, or complaints about their job. It definitely isn’t going to mean completely smooth sailing. Real love means some fighting. It means telling someone that you want to spend next Christmas with your family, not theirs, and hoping they’ll compromise with you.
But when you find someone who you love, it’s all going to fall into place. The world is going to seem a little less scary. You’re going to have someone to text when something funny happens, and you’re going to be able to trust that the person you love is going to put up with all the quirks that exist in you. I think the most loveable people in this world are perhaps the quirkiest. I know I myself possess a good number of goofy traits, and I think anyone who didn’t love me would find them odd. But my family taught me to embrace my imperfections, and so when I met new guys I forced myself not to conform to being the girlfriend that they wanted, and instead decided to be myself. It’s important. It’s important to be loved for you, and not be loved for who someone wants you to be. It’s important to always stay true to yourself. There will always be another person out there for you if the one you’re with isn’t making you happy.
I think the fear of being alone and not meeting someone else is one of the primary reasons people stay in unhappy relationships. I know every time I’ve hesitated to break up with someone who made me unhappy it was primarily because the person I was with was okay, and being in a mediocre relationship had to be better than being all alone and having no one to share my time with. Sometimes, especially when you’re in your twenties, it seems like everybody you know is paired up, and you don’t want to be the only single one. How much does it suck getting asked to go to an event with a bunch of couples and trying to find a date? No one wants to be a third wheel. But I think it’s time we face our fears and accept that being alone is much happier than being part of an unhappy or only moderately happy couple.
Being alone means taking a book to the coffee shop instead of your boyfriend. It means reading or people-watching when you’re out in the world. It means watching your favorite show or movie on Netflix tonight instead of trying to find one that you both like (which, in an unhappy relationship, is usually a difficult task). It means traveling to the places you want to see, instead of traveling to the places they want. It means spending holidays with your family completely, instead of splitting the special times with their family, then running off to have the rest of the day with yours.
I’m someone who’s happy with my relationship, and I can still say all this stuff. I’ve been there. I’ve been in that place for a long, long time, and I was so scared to be alone that I didn’t escape from my own cage until I had already been in the single mindset for a long time. In the end, I missed out on some really great opportunities that I could have had as a single girl, that being in a long-term relationship took away from me. I could have gone out with my friends on nights I instead spent fighting with my ex-boyfriend. I could have spent more time with my family. I could have simply spent the time on myself. I think spending time on yourself is one of the most commonly neglected but most important things a person needs to do. I believe that spending time just doing things that make you happy are what makes the world bright. This life doesn’t go on forever. And in the end, you’ll remember the things you did that made you really happy over the things that were mundane.
There’s certainly no reason to be with someone who is “average.” Find the one who’s amazing. Don’t stop searching until you’ve met them. It’s hard to find them when you’re in your twenties. Like…really, really difficult. Everyone you know is either in a relationship or completely committed to the single life. The good guys are taken or boring. The hot guys aren’t nice, and the ones who are nice are definitely already taken. But keep looking. You’ll find them when you’re least expecting it.